wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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