fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
