I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
