woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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