If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
