At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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