I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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