Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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