Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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