I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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