I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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