I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
