i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
