I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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