you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
