i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
