remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
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