got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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