We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
