girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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