U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
