This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
