You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize