You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
