4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
