He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
