well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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