Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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