So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
