you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
