Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
