you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
