What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
