Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
