and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
