More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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