u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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