I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
