That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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