My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
