Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
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Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
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How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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