The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
