quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
