We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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