wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
