I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
