Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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