So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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