Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
