You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
