im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
