So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
