If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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