I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
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LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
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Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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