need another drink. this is the easiest way
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
