the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
