it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
