Betty ford says i'm here all night
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
