i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
