considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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