so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
