OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
