Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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