Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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