My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
that may or may not have been my penis.
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