I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize