I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
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I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I had to cum in my sink.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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