You're my little dorito
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
