I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
