Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Life is so much better after having sex.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
