I'm drive I can fine osifer
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
