i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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