so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
