yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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