her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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