Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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