Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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