i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize