i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
