i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
