dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
