just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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